Mastering the Art of Talk Dating Like a Zoomer: 51 Hyperspecific Words for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This period marks a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {