That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the past year, a selection of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series started, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and consumption? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for sexual escapades as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.